Pooh Hits A Fan!
Winnie the Pooh was severely reprimanded by authorities last night after allegedly kicking a fan in the face. The fan claimed to be in love with Pooh and merely wanted an autograph from his childhood idol. Pooh, who was exiting a seedy downtown nightclub, was in a particularly foul mood. According to witnesses, he first shoved the fan to the ground and then kicked him in the face, all the while shouting “Where’s my honey Asshole? My love ‘aint for free!” Shocked bystanders claimed they had never seen anything as disturbing as what they witnessed that night.
This was not the first time Pooh hit a fan. In fact Pooh has been hitting fans all across the nation according to sources. The on-screen lovable Pooh Bear has long fought with deep rooted anger management issues. Christopher Robin also claims to have suffered years of abuse at the hands of his television costar. “I worked as a lighting assistant for Christian Bale once and even that was nothing compared to the crap we took from Pooh everyday. How do you think Eeyore’s tail kept getting dismembered?” Robin said while testifying in court earlier today. Piglet refused to comment in fear of further enraging the already inflamed Pooh.
The judge presiding over the case was not pleased to see Pooh in his chambers. He issued a swift ruling of 500 hours of social service and a grievance fee of $100,000 to be payable to the plaintiff. But will this stop Pooh from hitting anymore fans? As usual the Agency for BAD Celebrity Disasters (ABCDs) will keep you posted on all further developments!
Sara Sultan is a painter and writer who can be found tweeting @SaraSultan1980